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There once was an old man of Lyme
Who married three wives at a time;
When asked "Why a third?"
He replied, "Well, One is absurd!
And bigamy, sir, is a crime."
There was a young man of Australia,
Who painted his rear like a dahlia.
The drawing was fine,
The color divine,
The scent – ah, that was a failure.
The lass I brought home was a prize,
With an alluring set of bright blue eyes,
Her breasts, so well kept,
Were what I'd expect,
But her penis was quite a surprise.
There was a young man of Herne Bay,
Who was making explosives one day;
But he dropped his cigar
In the gunpowder jar.
There was a young man of Herne Bay.
There was a young lady of Kent,
Who always said just what she meant;
People said, „She's a dear -
So unique – so sincere -“
But they shunned her by common consent.
There was an old lady of Rye,
Who was baked by mistake in a pie;
To the household's disgust
She emerged through the crust,
And exclaimed, with a yawn, „Where am I?“
There was a young fellow of Ealing,
Endowed with such delicate feeling,
When he read, on the door,
„Don't spit on the floor,“
He jumped up and spat on the ceiling.
There was a young fellow of Leeds,
Who swallowed six packets of seeds.
In a month, silly ass,
He was covered with grass,
And he couldn't sit down for the weeds.
There was a young lady of Lynn,
Who was so uncommonly thin
That when she essayed
To drink lemonade
She slipped through the straw and fell in.
There was an old man of Blackheath,
Who sat on his set of false teeth;
Said he, with a start,
„O Lord, bless my heart!
I've bitten myself underneath!“
There once was a pious young priest
Who lived almost wholly on yeast;
„For,“ he said, „it is plain
We must all rise again,
And I want to get started, at least.“
There was a young fellow named Sydney,
Who drank till he ruined his kidney.
It shriveled and shrank,
As he sat there and drank,
But he'd had a good time at it, didn't he?
There was a young lady named Rood,
Who was such an absolute prude
That she pulled down the blind
When changing her mind,
Lest a curious eye should intrude.